Freelance Copywriter Seeks Adultier Adult
I’m guessing everyone has had a moment where they’ve thought, “Oh s**t” and looked around for an ‘adultier adult’ to deal with the situation.
Never again will I skip reading the instructions before embarking on a task.
This post has naff all to do with copywriting. But I thought you could all do with a laugh.
Let’s Start at The Very Beginning (It’s a Very Good Place to Start!)
All the best stories need a little context, so I’ll set the scene for you.
I like houseplants. I used to think I was useless with plants; I killed everything I laid my hands on. It turns out that I’m just terrible with the outdoor variety. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.
I really am going somewhere with this, bear with me!
A few of my houseplants had outgrown their containers and needed to be repotted. “No bother,” I thought to myself. It’ll take 10 minutes, max.
Now, it’s probably fair to say that I have something of an Amazon addiction. I hate busy supermarkets and shopping centres, and internet shopping is just so convenient. These days, you could easily never leave the house and just have everything delivered. I have to force myself out of my hermit-like comfort zone!
Anyway, back to the plants.
I was scrolling Amazon looking for compost. I wasn’t after a massive sack full of the stuff, but needed to be sure I’d have enough to repot all the plants.
Eventually, I found some compost at a reasonable weight and price and headed to checkout for next day delivery.
Sorted. Another job ticked off my list.
When it arrived, the package was tiny. I was confused, as the Amazon listing said it was the same weight as the last bag of compost I’d bought, which was much bigger.
As usual, I had a million and one things to do that day. So, I chucked the disappointingly small parcel in the cupboard and made a mental note to buy some more compost.
Trigger Warning – Copywriter Gets Filthy
Around a week later, I decided to take a break from my copywriting work and repot a couple of the aforementioned plants.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to repot all of them as there wasn’t enough compost; I hadn’t got round to ordering more.
Taking the tiny package out of the cupboard, I took the ‘compost’ out of its cellophane wrapping.
Now, I say ‘compost’ in inverted commas because this was like no compost I’d ever seen. It was rock hard. Just a solid brick of sawdusty material that I couldn’t break apart with my hands.
Somewhat confused, I took the cellophane wrapping out of the kitchen bin and saw the words, “Just add water.”
“Ah, so it’s dehydrated, that makes sense,” I thought.
Flipping the cellophane over, I read the first line of the instructions, which told me to get a large container.
As I say, this ‘compost’ brick was tiny, so I just took the pots out of the washing up bowl and popped it in there.
I skim read the next bit. This was a grave error. NEVER skim read unless you’re sure of what you’re doing.
At a glance, I picked out the words “5L water,” and, “Hot water works faster.”
Sounds simple enough, right? That;s what I thought, anyway!
I started the hot tap running into the washing up bowl. Whilst it was filling up, I went to grab the plants that needed my attention.
With my back to the kitchen sink, I pondered, “Hmm, how much is five litres? Well, a large pop bottle is two litres…so it’ll be two and a half of those. Ooh, will all that water fit in the washing up bowl?”
Then I turned around.
The sink was not even half full of water by this point. However, the compost brick had already absorbed so much that it was expanding before my eyes at an exponential rate.
A tsunami of wet compost was pouring out of the sink, across the kitchen sides, over the draining board and up the taps. It looked like a child’s science experiment gone very wrong. Don’t try this at home, kids!
This was the moment at which I could have done with an adultier adult. You know, when you look around for your mum to help, and then realise you’re 40 and you have to deal with your own problems?
Copywriter Attempts Damage Limitation
After staring at the carnage in horror for a few seconds, my brain finally engaged, and I turned off the tap. I figured that more water could only make things worse at this point.
Frantically, I began scooping the driest bits of compost out of the sink to stop them from absorbing more water. Meanwhile, the soil avalanche was still visibly expanding.
In the end, I just stood there watching and laughing. I mean, it was either that or cry.
I’ve popped a picture of the aftermath below. Bear in mind, this was after I’d removed the worst of the mess and thought that I should take a photo for posterity.
As you can see, this was definitely not just a ’10 minute job’. The cleanup took forever, and I’m still finding soil in crevices now. (Kitchen crevices, not personal ones, just to clear that up!)
Brand Narrative Copywriter at Your Service
So, there you have it. The Great Compost Disaster of 2024.
Not your standard copywriting blog post. Nothing whatsoever to do with copywriting, in fact.
But I think it’s nice to give you a glimpse into my life once in a while. You get to know me better and I get to show off my brand storytelling abilities!
This reminded me of another post I wrote years ago. Those of you who have been following me for some time may remember The Great Eyebrow Disaster of 2017. Now that was quite the ordeal. And another classic example of not reading the instructions / paying attention.
Anyway, if you’ve enjoyed reading this tale of horror and you need a freelance copywriter who’s fab at brand storytelling, send me a message.
I specialise in SEO copywriting but also have years of experience in copywriting for social media, e-shots, press releases, promotional material, and product descriptions.
Whilst I regularly work with businesses in all industries, I particularly enjoy brand storytelling that reflects my hobbies. My favourite pastimes are gardening (although I’m only successful at the indoor type), reading, and crafting (especially crochet and painting wall murals).
If you’ve stuck with me to this point, then thanks for reading! I hope my post brightened your day. I’d better get back to some ‘proper’ work now!
Written by : jo
